Perspective

A year makes such a difference. I often repeat this fact to myself in "those" moments. You know those moments. The ones when things are happening too fast, or not fast enough, or not the way I want them to. Moments when life unfolds around me in patterns that are incomprehensible. In those moments, I think, "Someday, I will understand this. Someday, I might understand this awful moment. Someday, I might decide this was worth it. Someday, this won't hurt so much."

A year ago, I was reeling from the loss of my oldest daughter. Not that she was dead, just that she was gone. She walked away from us, and for months we barely heard from her. There is no way for me to express how difficult those days were for me. My heart hurt in ways I didn't know it could. My mind constantly struggled to make sense out of what was happening. My faith pulled me out of bed every morning, and the Spirit whispered, "I know your pain. I am here to comfort you. Trust me." 

Looking back at the past twelve months through the lens of all I have learned in that time, the view is entirely different. Would things have been different if I had known the whole truth all along? Probably so, but I can't say whether it would have made things better or worse. That is why God knows everything and we don't. Each turn of events was revealed in its own time. I trust it was the right time. 

Right now, I'm listening to the quiet breaths of my sleeping grandson. The tiny miracle that was growing through it all. The wealth of beautiful moments being formed in the ashes of the hardest ones. I could not have imagined this moment a year ago. But living through it right now is pretty sweet.