Shift

I’m going to attempt blogging again. The past few months have been heaped so high with change, stress, and adjustment that I’ve hardly known what’s going on, much less been able to sort it out enough to write about it.

Being a new nurse is not easy. Each shift seems to start out with nervous anticipation, move along to familiar routine, change to unexpected chaos, perceived inadequacy, emotional distress, defensiveness, complete exhaustion, and then the unbelievable relief of my head hitting the pillow. Don’t get me wrong – there are some amazing moments thrown in there. There are days when I leave feeling great. But much of the time I am still filled with rookie anxiety and the fear of making a stupid mistake that could hurt a patient, cost me my license, or frustrate the nurses I’m working with. I know this is mostly temporary; eventually I’ll have the knowledge and experience to get over it. I’m simply not there yet.

Life has been full of other changes; too many to even begin to write about. Change is never easy for me, but I know it is a necessary part of living. The key to remaining unshaken is to be standing on the right foundation. Apparently I sometimes have to be shaken off of unsteady ground a few times before I figure that out.